Joel Rachelson : Building the Inner Therapist

: The Map
: The Operating Instructions
: Building the Inner Therapist
: The Inner Symphony

To learn this task of how to establish a healthy relationship with yourself is perhaps the most important commitment or investment you can make. Period! The good news is that this is a learnable task--you can get from point A to point B. The not so good news is that the path/task isn't always easy nor will it come naturally. Just think about the kind of training, or absence thereof, that you received in terms of how to relate consistently, lovingly to yourself. In other words, the line between point A and B in this journey isn't necessarily straight and has some ditches in it. That's why there is a need to discover and unlearn some of the harmful ways you have been relating to yourself and learn more effective and sometimes sophisticated self parenting techniques. Again, its simply how you relate to yourself, but this isn't necessarily easy.

BUILDING THE INNER THERAPIST

The goal of therapy and life is to grow and mature. What this means in this context is building an inner therapist and inner grownup that holds and uses the map with operating instructions for yourself.

My job is to ultimately help clients' build an inner therapist or inner grown up so they can fire me.

The grown up part of you is your wisest self. When this part of you is in the drivers seat of your personality, you feel calm, centered and confident.

This is a really important concept and it is one of the hubs of how I work. In fact, the focus of my work is to help the child, emotional, irrational parts feel and be better and to build this inner grown therapist. This is huge because it is all about how to be a grown up in the world and how to be feel better.

This grown up, inner therapist:

Is responsible for all the business of the personality. Work, timeliness, schedules, keeping agreements, finances and budgets, bank accounts, etc.
Is connected to and an advocate for ones own emotional needs and wants--as long as they are healthy.
Takes responsibility in a calm way for mistakes and wants to learn from them instead of the self beating of the critical or younger part of us.
Is aware and connected to the needs of others and considers the impact of action on others in a way that is balanced.
Maintains a broader perspective and comes from a not small place. Hence, this part has the capacity for not taking things so personally and recognizing that this too shall pass.

And there are other characteristics of the grownup. The aim of therapy and life is to build and grow this part of us. And this doesn't mean no more fun. In fact, the grownups first responsibility is to meet the kids needs, then true guilt free fun and happiness can result. The goal is to have the right part of us driving at the right time. When it is time to have fun then the child can drive and when it is time for the grownup to drive then that part needs to have the capacity and wisdom to step up to the psychic plate.

Most of us were not raised by grown ups, so the learning to do this is needed. Luckily, there are clear progressive methods for doing this in the course of therapy.

Why wouldn't you want to do this?.... And the benefits are grand and hugely wonderful.

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