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A map is a way for you to understand
what is inside yourself
The map begins with Transactional Analysis or TA.
Transactional Analysis is, among other things, an elegantly simple
theory of personality that helps people understand themselves. It
was originated by Dr. Eric Berne, who used what he learned and noticed
in his clients in his psychotherapy groups. In his groups, his clients
would manifest very clear behavioral changes in facial expressions
and body postures as well as variations in word intonations and
sentence structure, etc. It was as though there were several people
inside each person. At times, one of these different people seemed
to be in control of the clients' total personality. One being in
the drivers' seat as I like to say.
Dr. Berne proposed that an individual's personality
is comprised of three major sub-types called "ego states":
the parent, the adult, and the child. The parent part has two facets.
One facet, the nurturing parent, is nurturing, supportive, patient,
and giving. ( I can be nurturing of others, I can be nurturing of
myself). The flip side is called the critical parent which is judgmental,
perfectionist, moralistic, righteous, and critical. ( I can be critical
of others, I can be critical of myself).
Also, there is the adult, which is the logical, linear,
unemotional, pragmatic, aspect.
The child has three aspects. The adaptive child is
the part of us that wants to do what others want us do so we will
be liked. The adaptive child placates, pleases and is sacrificial.
The flip side of the adaptive child is called the rebellious child.
The rebellious child doesn't like to be told what to do, is oppositional,
feisty, and rebellious. The last part of the child ego state is
called the free child. This part of us holds and contains most of
our feelings or wishes and urges. (More descriptors of the characteristics
of ego states follow the order form located at the end of this article)
The term "inner child" work has become well
known in the personal growth, self help and 12 step recovery movements.
TA, however, is really the basis of these concepts but hasn't gotten
the credit it deserves for stimulating this work. Also, self parenting
is more complete than inner child work because the focus is not
only on tending to the inner child, but also on the necessity of
building an adequate "internal grown up". The end goal
of self parenting is to generate and develop an effective and fully
functioning internal grown up which will result in happier, more
satisfied child ego states.
TA is also a very useful theory of communication that
can help you understand why communication works and why it doesn't.
It helps you understand what ego state you are coming from and what
ego state someone else is coming from. For instance, if you ask
from an adult place what time it is, the other person has six possible
responses:
The critical parent would say, "Why don't you wear a watch
you stupid idiot?" The nurturing parent would say, "There,
there you've got plenty of time, don't worry about it."
The adult would say, "It's 9:41 and 30 seconds".
The rebellious child would say, "Quit asking me dumb questions".
The adaptive child would say, "What time do you want it to
be?"
And the free child would say, "Who cares, let's go play."
Transactional analysis offers some specific guidelines
for healthy communication patterns based on these understandings.
So it's TA, really, that offers a clear and
understandable interior map. In other words, what's going on inside
can be understood in terms of ego states. All thoughts can be traced
to one. Also, our behaviors originate from one of these ego states.
The first part of self parenting therapy is becoming aware of these
ego states as they manifest in our heads and express themselves
in our lives. One of the end goals of therapy is to be able to come
from the right ego state at the right time. That is, when I need
to be an adult, I can shift into it, when its time to play, then
the child part can let fly.
More...
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